“Submit to My Husband or Submit to God?”

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I have presented Romans 13 to show that Paul understood the necessity of government (law and order) for nations, home, and churches. All levels of governments require leadership in order to maintain order, accountability, and responsibility. This need for leadership becomes apparent when two or more people form a group, and leadership cannot exist without someone becoming voluntarily submissive. As Paul traveled about, Paul appointed elders to lead the churches (1 Timothy 5:17, Titus 1:5) and church members were encouraged to “submit to each other” in love for the benefit of the church. (Ephesians 5:21)

When it comes to submission, Paul leaves no wiggle room about Christian behavior. Christians are to obey God, their governments, and their elders. What should be the nature of this submission? Is it not love? Peter told slaves to submit to their masters with all due respect! “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.” (1 Peter 2:18,19)

Given the status of women in Paul’s day, Paul used “the law of Moses” to support his premise that women should not disrupt meetings or speak out in a public meeting. “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. As in all congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak [because they are uneducated], but must be in submission [to their husbands], as the Law* [of Moses] says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman [to embarrass her husband and family] to speak in the church.” (1 Corinthians 14:33-35, insertions, italics, and underlines mine)

(*Note: Paul evidently refers to Genesis 3:16. “To the woman he [the Lord] said, ‘I will greatly increase your pain in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’” (Genesis 3:16, insertion, italics, and underline mine)

Given the stature of women in Paul’s day – a subculture of illiterate people, having no human rights or formal instruction in God’s Word, Paul did not a newly formed churches destroyed in a free-for-all caused by the freedom which Christianity brought to men and women. So, he appealed for church order in a variety of ways. Look at the bigger picture: “What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church. If anyone speaks in a tongue, two – or at the most three – should speak one at a time, and someone must interpret. If there is no interpreter, the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and God. Two or three prophets should speak, and the others should weigh carefully what is said. And if a revelation comes to someone who is sitting down, the first speaker should stop. For you can all prophesy in turn so that everyone may be instructed and encouraged. The spirits pf prophets are subject to the control of prophets [In other words, a prophet’s mouth is subject to a prophet’s will, so the prophet must restrain himself and wait for his turn to speak,] For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. As in all congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” (1 Corinthians 14: 26-35, insertions, italics, and underlines mine)

Before his conversion, Paul had been a servant of Judaism. Now, that he was a servant of Jesus Christ, he was in a position to see the difference in masters. Which master offered more joy? Clearly these are two forms of government. One form is based on love (voluntary submission); the other is based on force (forced submission). The difference in attitude between these two forms of government is enormous. Because Christianity is a religion based on love and righteousness, Paul warned Christians to understand that love is the fulfilling of the law. (Romans 13:10) In other words, when we do the things required in the law because of love, we fulfill the intent of the law! When we do things required by the law in order to receive salvation, that is legalism – forced submission.

Paul understood that a woman’s submission to her husband has to spring from love. To keep men from abusing their authority over women, he put husbands in a difficult position. Paul says that men must love their wives “as Christ loved the church.” Submission to a wife was unthinkable in Paul’s day. Christ submitted to the death of a criminal in order to save the church. The point is that Paul elevates the stature of women by requiring men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This means submitting to one another, mutual submission. “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing an make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the churches submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:19-28)

Pulling This Together

Jennifer, I know my lengthy response may be a bit overwhelming, but I hope you and your husband can see three things at this point. First, Paul’s statements regarding the mutual submission of husbands and wives have nothing to do with salvation. Second, Paul’s church rules reflect the stature of women in his day. Third, Paul elevated the stature of women when he commanded men to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and if that wasn’t enough, Paul says a husband is to love his wife just as he loves his own body! Even though men and women are not identical, they are equals. Mutual submission is the way of love and the result is happiness.

Jennifer, since your husband is a Christian, he knows that he is not your God, your Creator, your Redeemer, or your conscience. He also knows that you are not subservient to him. You, Jennifer, have been bought with a price. You are not your own. You belong to Christ. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20) You were created in God’s image just like your husband. (Genesis 1:26,27) You and your husband are equals in God’s sight.

(Galatians 3:28) You are a human being having inalienable rights bestowed upon you by your Creator. You have a conscience and can blaspheme the Holy Spirit just as he can. (Matthew 12:31,32) Even though he may honestly disagree with your newfound religious views, I hope he will honor and respect your right to worship God, as you deem appropriate. If the tables were turned, I am sure he would appreciate the same respect and religious freedom. Religious persecution occurs whenever a person is punished or threatened for worshiping God according to the dictates of conscience.

Unfortunately, the Baptist church takes a position on women that is similar to that of Catholics and Moslems. Baptist, Catholics, and Moslems exclude women form their clergy for different reasons, but the result is the same. Baptists often use the argument that since the Bible is silent about the ordination of woman, and then the church must remain silent as well. This approach to the topic reveals there is no moral defense against the ordination of women. Consider this argument: The Bible says nothing about abolishing the practice of slavery. In fact, as we have already seen, Peter encouraged slaves to obey their masters (1 Peter 2:18) and Paul even returned a runaway slave to his owner. (Philemon 1) Prior to the Civil War, some Southern preachers defended slavery on the basis of silence. The Bible says nothing about abolishing slavery! This takes us back to the point that I made earlier. People are still distorting Paul’s writings (and other Scriptures). They approach Paul’s writings without concern for time, place, or circumstances. Such an approach to Paul’s writings is foolish, immature, and unacceptable.

Knowing what we know today, it is easy to see the wisdom of Paul’s ways. Fortunately, the stature of women has improved in many countries although progress has been slow. Protestantism broke the chains of 1,260 years of Catholic dominion and the Dark Ages ended. Protestantism brought democracy to the world and democracy brought education to men and women. Today, billions of women are educated and well informed and if they can serve as Prime Ministers (Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher) and if they can manage huge corporations like Hewlett Packard (Carly Fiorina) and political campaigns to be president and vice president of the United States (Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin), they are capable of managing a church and serving the Lord as ordained ministers of the gospel if men put aside some prejudice and ego.

I know that Baptists and Catholics encourage women to live in submission to the authority of their husbands and inherently, this sounds biblical, but this doctrine is a toxic doctrine based on a distortion of Paul’s writing. It harms the stature of women unless the whole truth is told. The whole is that Paul demands mutual submission to each other. When the Lord told Eve that her desire would be to her husband and that he would rule over her, the Lord did not give men authority over women. Moslems believe that men have the right to beat their wives into submission if they do not voluntarily submit. (Quran 4:34) This is not the way of Christ. Look again at the Word of God, “…. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, italics mine) Adam and Eve were equals before sin and Adam and Eve were equals after sinning. Remember, equals are not necessarily identical. Robert is identical to Mike, but they are equals. Mike is not identical to his wife, Reba, but they are equals. Recognizing the inherent selfishness of the carnal nature, and recognizing the need for governance in every household, God gave women (through Eve) a predisposition - a desire – to acquiesce to their husband’s will. The Lord did this for two reasons. First, mutual submission is necessary for two people to live together. Second, the Lord knows that a man can be difficult to deal with emotionally. So, He gave Eve a tender heart for her husband, a desire to get along, because this makes for a happy home. (Remember the story of Abigail who was married to a fool? 1 Samuel 25)

One more thing. You mentioned that your husband argues that you should not quit going to church. The following text is exalted by some churches (including Southern Baptists) as though it were one of the Ten Commandments: “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another; and so much more, as ye see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25 KJV) Paul was moved to write these words because the early church was a church in conflict. When the Jews became Christians, they brought their religious baggage into the church. When Gentiles joined the church, they brought their religious baggage into the church and when these diverse people came together for worship, there was more conflict than peace in the early church.

This conflict caused some people to quit attending church and Paul realized that isolation from the body of Christ would prove to be harmful. Consider this: If you remove an amber from a fire, the isolated amber quickly cools. The point here is that corporate worship is important. For eighteen years you were blessed through corporate worship at the Baptist church. Now, you are looking for another corporate body with which to worship. Your husband needs to understand that corporate worship at a Baptist church is not good for you for at least three reasons. First, your understanding of what the Bible teaches and the will of God has changed. Attending church with him now is a lot like worshiping with the Church of Christ: Yes, your body is in church but your heart and mind are elsewhere. Second, since you are a former leader in your husband’s church and you have publicly rejected certain doctrines of the Baptist faith, sitting among your “former” friends is disruptive (maybe disgusting) to them and undesirable for you. Last, in an effort to comfort your husband, you may want to tell your husband that you will be happy to go with him on special occasions.

Jennifer, your children are studying you. They have not seen anyone living by faith. They need to see that living by faith is problematic. Faith puts every follower of Christ in a difficult position and this is why living by faith is so hard to do! Every born-again Christian wants to please God by doing what is right, and since there are differences on what is believed to be right, even among Christians, there is conflict. Often, living by faith requires doing whatever we can to accommodate (without compromise) those who don’t understand God’s will as we do.

Currently, some twenty-eight million Chinese Christians worship in home churches each week because they are not permitted to meet publicly. Some day, I suspect the same will take place in this country. Bottom line: You can agree with your husband that Christians should participate in corporate worship per Hebrews 10:25, but the more important theme for all of us is worshiping God in spirit and truth. Since you are convicted of the Sabbath, you must honor God by keeping His Sabbath. Jesus said, “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” (John 4:23)

Summary

In closing, I have three shot statements that I hope you and your husband will consider:

1. Faith is not a denomination.

Faith is a way of life. The biblical definition of faith means obeying God without regard for the consequences.

2. Others may – you cannot.

Whenever a person is comforted with God’s sovereign will and he is placed under conviction by the Holy Spirit, that person must not violate the Holy Spirit because this is a test of faith. In other words, it is possible for one person to have a conviction that others around do not share. Paul wrote, “One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.” (Romans 14:2,3, italics and underline mine)

3. A woman’s salvation is not determined by her husband.

The New Testament is clear: No stands between a woman and her Savior, Jesus Christ. Women have access to salvation through faith in Jesus just like men. “There is neither Jew or Greek, slave or free, male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28, italics and underline mine) “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16, italics and underlines mine)

God’s claim on us is higher than any other. No man or woman can permit anyone to stand in his/her way of doing what he/she believes God wants him/her to do. Even though happiness in a home or church comes through loving submission, our first and highest love must be reserved for God. Jesus said, “And everyone who has left homes or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29)

I hope this helps!

Larry Wilson

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